Ways to know if you are self-sabotaging

Self-sabotage is constant behavior, thoughts and/or actions that create problems in your life or keep you from reaching your goals.

Get out of your own way

What self-sabotage looks like

Some ways are not always easy to spot, but may include any of the following:

-Procrastination- Being well prepared to do something but doing everything else aside from what you need to be doing. This can be as a result of feeling overwhelmed, unable to manage time well or self-doubt.

-Not finishing what you started. Some people get distracted or bored along the way.

-Always finding fault elsewhere and not considering the part you played in what happened.

-Picking fights with people close to you. This can be in the form of being ready to argue over things that don’t really matter, being easily offended or over sensitive.

-Not speaking up for yourself to avoid conflict.

-Self-degrading or being too hard on yourself. Be careful about criticizing yourself; your negative words may eventually be taken as truth and affect your will to do things. It may also include things such as not allowing yourself to take a break, or not giving yourself enough credit.

Why we self-sabotage

When we were younger and didn’t know how to protect ourselves, certain behaviors, such as the above, may have been helpful in doing that. It may have helped us cope with trauma and helped us survive. As much as it may have helped at that time, it can have quite the opposite affect if our circumstances had changed or when we are older.

Habit to Lifestyle

Some people just find it plain hard to create new habits. Realize that as hard as it may be at the start, it becomes easier and is worth the effort.

Fear of failing or being criticized may also contribute to this bad habit. We don’t try, because subconsciously we are scared to fail and be judged by other people.

Fear of success. Yes, believe it or not, we can fear success as much as we can fear failure. A lack of self-confidence can make us feel like intruders in the world of happiness and success. We then start to worry that we may not really be as competent and will be exposed as a fraud.

Sometimes, self-sabotaging gives a sense of control, so we keep doing it because we don’t want to lose that sense of control.

Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen.

-Alyce Cornyn-Selby

How to overcome it

The first step is to realize and admit that there is a self-sabotaging problem and believe me, this can be quite a painful process.

Examine your behavior and its consequences, then look at what triggers this behavior.

For this you must dig deep...as far as your childhood. For example, the possibility that someone might reject a suggestion you have might set you off because as a child someone may not have given you the attention you would have liked from them, and you did not like the feeling of rejection you felt. Another example is if your friend has an angry tone in their voice about something and you feel guilty even if you had nothing to do with it. This might remind you of someone in your childhood who blamed you for things you did not cause.

Track your triggers (such as fear, boredom, "too good to be true syndrome", self-doubt, laziness to put in effort for what you want) by making voice recordings or writing it down. Be mindful and take it one step at a time but be sure to also keep track of your progress.

Don't be afraid to fail. I'm not saying go boss on high-risk activities, but you will miss out on a lot if you don’t try anything. Consider the consequences and ask yourself “what's the worst that can happen?” and then decide if you can live with that. I personally always tell myself, if it's not going to ruin my life or that of my loved ones, or if the consequences are reversible, I am willing to take the chance.

Talk to someone you trust to get advice or just get it out. Pray and meditate on it. Determine what you want and get to know yourself better so that you can learn to trust yourself more.

Go easy on yourself and be your own best friend. This is a great step towards happier & healthier living.

You can also read my blogs on Daily habits of most successful people , Simple steps for women who want to improve themselves , 10 Things I wish I knew before 30

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